Thursday, November 2013.
Took me several hours, that email.
Not sure why I bothered.
I have not read your message in full. It's all too much for me at present.
I do not know where Bink is staying. I have spoken with her and I believe she is safe. She has not yet made a decision about where to be. She decided not to come to my house for the time being, because she was too anxious about you “interfering” by trying to find out where she was going.
Yesterday I spoke at length to Bink about going to [your address]. I told her that [there] she could be sure of constant company and loving care: more so than anywhere else. She reacted very strongly against the prospect, even when I offered to take her there and, if she wanted, to be with her there. Today I tried again, with a similar result.
[I have mentioned before Jay’s Iagoisms, effecting the opposite of the words’ face value.]
The simple thought of you knowing her location makes her obsess about finding somewhere else to go. She spoke again and again about refusing local mental health care services, solely because you were there at the hospital yesterday when they were mentioned and might try to use them to find out things about her. She has said that she will not use any health service which cannot guarantee her confidentiality. The local team contacted her today but she was unable to arrange anything because of her anxiety about this.
She was very upset at the fact that you all turned up at the hospital. I explained to her several times that this is inevitable when she puts herself in harm's way, in a life-and-death situation: that such a situation over-rides her autonomy.
Surely [your address] can only be a good place for Bink if she can decide, for herself, that it is a good place, or at least an acceptable place. Taking her there against her will would be abduction. Keeping her there against her will would be false imprisonment. I'm serious about this: these would be crimes and I won't be a part of either one.
This is *very* upsetting for me. Please, please, don't pursue me any further. I'm acutely aware of the potential conflict between my responsibilities, and don't need reminding of it.
This was someone with a First from Cambridge.
Thank you for replying. I am very sorry indeed that you are so upset and worn out, and not at all surprised. It must be wearing enough caring for [your daughter] alone.
We wouldn't dream of asking you to be party to a crime, nor of taking Bink somewhere against her will or holding her there. I have no idea how anyone would do such a thing let alone why. So please rest assured that this was never in anyone's mind, nor could it be. The very idea is absurd.
Finally, a brief explanation. I was very unsure whether to change my plans yesterday: I very much did not want to (and I hope it will not have compromised the best paid work I've been offered for far too long, which is a great honour and which has involved others putting their necks on the line for me). So I trusted myself to Shaun’s and Serena’s judgement, both of whom were very sure that, since Bink had behaved in a way to guarantee maximum attention, this was what she needed and wanted, however unpleasantly she had asked for it. She may say now she was upset that we turned up, but that wasn’t what her text to me at the time said; she didn’t have to see us and she didn’t have to allow any of us into the room. No doubt [under Jay’s influence, of course] she has persuaded herself she didn’t want us there. I'm not sure she has persuaded anyone else.
Look after yourself Jay. ... Above all you are responsible to your children, and to yourself for them.
Serena to me:
I'm afraid I responded to jay’s idiotic e-mail a little more brusquely than you did...
Me to Serena:
It was a bit, wasn't it? Shaun found it very defensive indeed and thinks it’s just sinking in that his role has not been entirely helpful. I think he put it more strongly than that!
Had a dream... I had arranged to go and see Bink, though I think I hadn’t arranged this with her. I turned up, and saw her walking along with Jay... She was very, very definitely still living with him. She wasn't expecting or wanting me but she was civil about it and we all got in the car together.
The main point of the dream was that she was still at Jay's. I don’t think he would lie to us so emphatically, but he is very much in her thrall.
Serena to me:
Well, I told him if he seriously believed abduction and imprisonment were on the cards, Bink was obviously making him as deluded as she is. I only phrased it marginally more civilly than that.