[Normal service resumes at Epiphany.]

(PS for my speciesist daughter: Don’t, Serena. Please. Just don’t, ok? Of course I know the difference between turtle doves and common-or-garden fantails; but we live in a highly urbanised culture, and – as long as you keep schtum – there’s just the teeniest tiniest sporting chance that one or two seriously-hungover readers may not notice…)