Good News: We are in the middle of a Cold Snap. This is a Good Thing because the world in general and British wildlife in particular needs Proper Weather.

(Though it’s pretty unfair we don’t have snow.)

More to the point, it Cheers Me Up. Which is obv more important than all climate change put together. (Though it cheers me up a bit less since my children explained to me that, no, it is no indication whatsoever that the climate outcome isn’t every bit as bleak and terrible and awful as we thought it was.)

Slightly less Good N: I am now neurotic enough to wonder whether my beehives need insulation. The reason this is BN is because neurosis is very wearing. Mind you, it can also keep you alive. Or your bees.

GN: I have loads of ikky spare insulation in the potting shed. (The reason it’s ikky is because I Hate Synthetic. Feeling it, looking at it, even just thinking about it. I’ve been wanting to get rid of that spare insulation for ages.)

Also GN: Some of my bees are deffo alive. Well, at least one is. Or was.

BN: Unfortunately, that particular bee is slightly less alive than she was. I am Down by One Bee. On account of, when a bee decides to defend her colony by stinging something or someone, it is quite a costly process. For her. Personally. (Though as any beekeeper will tell you, bees don’t think or behave personally but Corporately. Or perhaps one should say, were it not such an unfashionable word these days, Colonially.)

BN: Ergo, this is doubly bad news. Tbh, I’m not sure I would have minded so much the loss of One Bee.

GN: Our German artist-in-residence friend knows What To Do About Stings. You cut an onion in half and shove it on. So says her granny and her granny’s granny before her.

Why?

Because it draws out the sting.

BN: This is obviously not based on any Scientific data whatsoever and is complete utter Old Wives’ Claptrap. (But then, let’s not be too snooty about Old Wives’ Claptrap, eh? Penicillin started life as OWC, apparently. So, in a way, when you think about it, did the entire process of vaccination. Which is why it’s called vaccination. Because it began with milkmaids. You know all this, right? Stop me if I’m getting boring.)

How do you know? ses I. After all, sucking it is supposed to draw out the sting. It never has yet. My lovely orangey essential oil in the tiny bottle in the medicine cupboard is supposed to do something or other to bee stings. Which it never does either. Though it does smell lovely. Better than onion, anyway.

How do I know? ses she. Because my mother always did it when we got stung.

Did it make any difference? ses I.

How would anyone possibly know? ses she. We got stung. We survived.

Well, quite.

Moreover it ses it here, On The Internet, ses she.

Oh well, the internet…

But garlic will do instead, ses she.

I was just about to ask, ses I. Bit less clunky to carry around. A clove of garlic makes a change to the ice cube I have to tie on my fingers and thumbs any time I’ve been anywhere near the oven, for instance to cook supper.

Back to the GN-BN dichotomy.

Very seriously GN: I just got stung, and had NO allergic reaction whatsoever. No ambulance sirens roaring. Not even a mildly swollen arm. Just a nasty sting and the back of my hand being hot and red and bumpy for the rest of the evening and a bit sore. I honestly believe this is the first time in my life I have had a Normal Reaction to a bee sting.

So, either 1., I have finally cracked this, and got lucky, and am no longer allergic. V. GN.

Or 2., the bee didn’t sting me properly in the first place… presumably because it’s winter and she was a bit groggy. Can’t quite work out whether this is G or BN. Does mean I’m One Bee Up, I suppose.

Or 3., it’s because I had the Pfizer vac yesterday and my body is so confused it’s given up fighting back. (No, of course we don’t qualify: don’t be so rude.)

Which is obviously VERY GOOD NEWS INDEED. For the whole world, Yay!!!!

Ra ra the Human Race.

(And surely, if we can crack Covid-19, and so quickly, we can crack Climate Change, eventually…?)

(PS My bees couldn’t do that. Invent a vaccine. They only invented stings. And I have a feeling God did that for them, anyway.)

PPS Ben has been reading my blog. This is really not what it’s intended for. Members of my family spying on me. Still, noblesse oblige, what great ones do the less will prattle of, all that. He ses, you know you like the idea of overcoming natural phenomena like allergies? Have you thought of applying this more widely?

For instance, what about… hmm… let’s see… Gravity?

You want to start ambitious, though, to prove the point. Fifteen floors up: something like that.

Or, PPPS, it’s just occurred to me (I should be a scientist like my brother, I’m so quick to spot cause and effect), 4. It was the garlic.